30 Problems That Only Extroverts (Or I) Understand

I came across this article on 30 Problems That Only Introverts Understand through someone else’s posting on Facebook.  I understood none of the things on the list, which I presumed was because I am the opposite of an introvert.

And so I felt qualified to create the below list of 30 Problems That Only Extroverts Understand.

    1. There is nothing more discomforting than silence.
    2. There is nothing more frightening than being ignored.
    3. There is nothing more insulting than being called boring.
    4. When you are given the alternative of silence or death, you are not entirely sure the latter is not preferable.
    5. You lose the “keep silent for thirty seconds and win thirty dollars” bet.
    6. You get nervous when people don’t respond to your phone message, text message or e-mail within an hour because the most important thing for you is being liked, and a lack of an immediate response may infer that the recipient doesn’t like you.
    7. You need to be center of attention in any group setting, including at your friend’s wedding.
    8. You notice that people at your table are listening to another person speak, and you become greatly agitated, wondering what you’re doing wrong that caused you not to be the center of attention.
    9. There is nothing more satisfying that being the subject of another people’s conversation, even if people are saying unflattering things about you.
    10. The only thing running through your head as another person is talking is deciding what you can say immediately after the person shuts his or her damn mouth.
    11. You don’t like being interrupted when you’re speaking, although you want to interrupt other speakers all the time.
    12. Deep thoughts rarely interest you because they involve silence.
    13. Deep conservations don’t interest you because they often require deep thoughts.
    14. And consequently you only engage in hours and hours on end of meaningless, irrelevant, unsubstantive small talk.
    15. People think you’re overly excited and emotional when in reality, that’s just the way you always are.
    16. You stop being invited to get-togethers.
    17. You therefore take the liberty of inviting yourself to events for which you did not receive an invitation, official or unofficial.
    18. You carefully consider the number of people you invite to events you plan so that you can remain the center of attention for the most number of people.
    19. When you’re at an event and you’re the last person leaving, it’s not because you don’t have a ride.
    20. You want to do everything together with another person, so long as you can remain the center of attention.
    21. You get by the alone moments for the next big get-together.
    22. You want to become friends with every person on the face of the earth and you don’t understand why there are some people who are not interested in being your friend.
    23. When the restaurant is turning down the lights to call it a night after four hours of your relentless attention-grabbing talking, you wish you can keep  going for another three hours.
    24. People think there is something wrong with you after you’ve remained quiet for thirty seconds, when you are simply swallowing your food.
    25. Your entire life revolves around coming up with topics to discuss the next time you are having a conversation with a random person.
    26. You share your problems with the entire world, not because you are looking for help, but because you can’t keep them to yourself.
    27. You share the newest knowledge, the just-finished book or the most recent film experience, but not because you’re looking for something in common to share and discuss.
    28. You get restless because you haven’t spoken to anyone in half an hour, so you go wandering off looking for someone to talk to.
    29. When people say, “please leave me alone,” you take that as an offer that you don’t need to keep the person occupied anymore but you can politely turn down the offer and stay.
    30. When you announce that you have something to say, people run away.

As I was compiling this list, something occurred to me:  this list may not be so much a list of problems that only extroverts understand as much as it is a list of problems that only I, a narcisstic, attention-seeking egomaniac, understand.

After all, I cannot recall the last time I was described as “outgoing” or “extrovert.”  “Annoying,” yes, but annoying is not the opposite of “introvert” and I suspect that not every extrovert is annoying any more than how every annoying person is not an extrovert.

And so, to those who have been described (by others) as an “extrovert,” please tell: do you find that you share in most of the above, or do you think the above list is simply a representation of travails that annoying people go through.


2 Responses to “30 Problems That Only Extroverts (Or I) Understand”

  1. 1 Caitlin June 2, 2014 at 11:41 am

    Oh god, I feel so exhausted just reading this! I’m going to go be a hermit for a few years now.

    When are you going to come visit me, Joe? I miss you despite my extreme introversion.

  2. 2 joesas June 7, 2014 at 9:45 am

    Thanks for getting all the way through AND leaving a comment despite your exhaustion. It’s much appreciated.

    The next time I am up in Boston, I will go look for you in holes and stuff so we can hang…

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